I can’t believe they are doing this again.

The Strip will go dark the evening of March 27, as the annual Earth Hour event comes to Las Vegas for a second year.

The World Wildlife Fund’s Earth Hour, designed to raise global awareness of climate change, will roll across the world and reach the Strip at 8:30 local time, when high-profile hotel-casinos and government agencies plan to dim or turn off their exterior lights for 60 minutes.

Leslie Aun, Earth Hour’s managing director, said Las Vegas’ participation as an Earth Hour flagship city in 2009 proved “critical” to advancing the event and its popularity. Unlike turning off the Eiffel Tower — the real one, in Paris — or Mount Rushmore, blacking out the Strip and surrounding areas requires the cooperation of myriad business executives and public officials, Aun said. That makes Las Vegas an ideal representation of what Earth Hour is all about.

“Las Vegas is a great metaphor for what we’re trying to do across the country, which is to get everyone to participate, instead of a place here and there,” Aun said. “Las Vegas was a pretty big momentum builder last year.”

The World Wildlife Fund unveiled its local plans for Earth Hour 2010 at a Tuesday press conference.

Las Vegas Mayor Oscar Goodman and Clark County Commissioner Larry Brown attended the event, held underneath the “Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas” sign at the Strip’s south end.

Goodman called Earth Hour “a perfect fit for the city and its sustainability initiative.”

Goodman asked businesses and residents across the Las Vegas Valley to join resort operators and government agencies in celebrating Earth Hour.

Now, I’ve taken a lot of criticism for my “climate change” stance, but of all of the things I get criticized for, I consider these attacks to be the most unwarranted and unjustified.

In my mind, when people criticize me for making fun of global warming, it is akin to meth addicts with DARE bumper-stickers chastising me for my caffeine intake.  It’s irrational.

If one were to do a comprehensive audit of fully-functional 41 year old males in the USA (paraplegics probably use little gasoline), I would estimate that my personal lifetime carbon footprint would place me in the bottom ten percentile … if not the bottom five.

I’ve always made it priority #1 to live where things were actually located.  I’ve never “driven to work” on a daily basis.  I’ve walked, biked, roller bladed, and taken the bus/subway … but hour-long daily automobile commutes are a completely foreign concept to me.  Driving in traffic feels like torture and I go to great lengths to avoid it.

Sure, I own a car now, but I’ve earned it.  I paid my “carbon” dues in spades for damn near 35 years.  I’m too banged up to self-propel myself quite as far as I used to.  Especially in 110 degree temperatures.  Still, personal drives of over 5 miles are uncommon, and I still overwhelmingly prefer the bus or the monorail.  On a day-to-day basis, my “carbon footprint” is still probably 80% less than the average suburbanite’s.

Even when directly compared to modern bedheaded iPhone users that hang out in coffee shops (what’s the big deal about coffee?) and go to earth rallies, chances are I’ve lead a FAR more eco-friendly life than they have.

Allow me to present evidence.

I’ve lived in a loft before.  A real one, and not something built from the ground up to be a “loft”. There was no parking provided as the notion of car ownership amongst loft-dwellers was patently laughable.

Recently, “lofts” were erected in Rexville.  Here are a few photos:

Notice that there are no windows on the bottom 1/3rd of the buildings.  That’s because that portion of the structure is devoted to parking.  In 2010, not even the biggest hipster-douches can get by without a car.  They can only carry the “urban” pretense so far before caving in to the creature comforts of whatever suburban hellhole they came from.

Even though I have arguably been the most eco-friendly person on the planet, has anyone, nay, anyone ever thanked me for my selfless contributions toward reducing global warming?

NO!

Not once.  Instead, they’ve scolded me because I don’t publicly wring my hands over the supposed problem that is “climate change”.  Nobody in this country cares what you do, they only care what you say.  Screw walking the walk, it’s the talk that matters, and that’s one reason why these “climate change” events are imbecilic.

It’s not the largest reason, though.

I’ve said it before and I’ve said it again, the earth simply cannot be “saved”.  It’s un-savable.

Earth exists at the whim of the sun, and as all stars do … the sun will burn out … flash freezing the earth and spinning it off into darkened space.  There is nothing we humans can do to prevent this.

Well, almost nothing.

As the sun weakens, earth may actually need an increasingly-weakening ozone to keep temperatures stable.  This means that eco-friendliness may actually hasten the demise of the planet or precipitate another ice age.  The climate change stuff is an inexact science.  2006 was one of the 10 hottest years on record.  Then again, 1934 was also in the top 10.  As was 1953, 1921, and 1938.  The earth cools and the earth warms.  It always has and it always will.

Is “man” responsible for it?

It doesn’t matter.  If a future generation doesn’t exhaust all earthly resources, those resources will have gone to waste when the planet ceases to exist.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m no fan of pollution (I’m quite low-impact there as well), but climate change as a cause is nonsensical.  These “earth” events almost certainly do more harm than good while satisfying some kind of deep-seated urge among the participants.  Most likely, it is the urge to belong.

I openly dispute the WWF’s and Oscar Goodman’s assertion that Earth Hour has any effect on the planet whatsoever.

Whether it was in person, on TV, or through videos on our computer screens … we all saw Earth Hour in Las Vegas last year.  Sure, it was interesting on some level because it was unique, but the novelty is now gone.  Thousands of cars packed Las Vegas Boulevard last year to watch, spewing exhaust into the air while celebrating the inconsequential savings of electricity.

I can’t help but believe that this was 100% counterproductive.  I don’t think it changed any minds either.  It was a stunt, and it was seen as such.  People came out to see the darkened Strip, and then went back to what they were doing.

That is exactly what will happen this year as well.

I can count on my third testicle the number of people who indicated to me that they were modifying their eco-behavior because Las Vegas Boulevard had voluntarily gone dark for an hour.  The very notion that the event had, or will have an effect on anyone’s daily behavior is patently absurd.

If you are truly concerned about the planet, and I mean really, truly, and deeply concerned … just say “no” to earth events.  Instead, shut your hole, move closer to work, and sell your car.  It may not be glamorous, but it is the single most effective thing you can personally do to reduce your impact on the planet.

If you don’t do this, and continue to rally and participate in earth causes, in my opinion, it’s all for show.

Link to the original site

One day, two stat-filled press releases:

Las Vegas saw more than 2.8 million visitors in January, up 4 percent from the same month a year earlier.

Figures released Wednesday by the Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Authority also show that convention attendance dropped by 16.4 percent from January 2009 to January 2010, to just under 450,000. The decrease was accompanied by a drop in the number of conventions and meetings held, which fell from 1,368 in January 2009 to 1,197 this January.

January marked the fifth straight month that year-over-year visitor numbers increased.

The visitors authority says 8,000 net additional rooms this January over last January resulted in a drop of 0.8 percent in citywide occupancy.

The average daily room rate also fell from $104.89 to $99.75, a drop of 4.9 percent.

Shortly after the above release was published, a very similar story hit the news services:

Thanks in part to the recession, Las Vegas has the nation’s most popular and affordable hotel rooms, according to a twice-annual survey by the travel reservations Web site Hotels.com.

Rates plummeted significantly from the first half of last year, when Las Vegas was ranked 45th in hotel pricing nationwide.

Las Vegas was the top destination for domestic travelers and the No. 2 destination for international travelers, behind New York, according to the survey, which is based on Hotels.com bookings made in the last half of 2009.

Average daily rates in Las Vegas from July to December fell 18 percent to $79, the company reported. By comparison, rates were $109 per day in the first half of the year.

This all seems like swell news, and it probably is, but there is at least one interesting inconsistency in all of the numbers swirling about.

The LVCVA reported average daily rates as $99.75 while a major hotel-booking site reported them to be $79.

For those of you keeping score at home, the LVCVA is being 26% more optimistic than the private company.  The private company also says that rates dropped 18% in 6 months, and the LVCVA says they only fell 4% in an entire year.

Who’s right?  Who’s wrong?

Who knows?

The thing about stats is … they usually lie.

Numbers are easy to throw out, and since few people have the resources or initiative to double-check them, you can more or less make numbers up and still sound plausible.  Even if you do know absolutes, there are a myriad of ways to manipulate them to show what you want to prove.  For example, the Visitor’s Authority may have used a smaller starting number (104 vs. 109) to make the decrease look less dramatic.

If I had to take a wild guess, I would opine that the LVCVA’s rates are less accurate since the promotion of optimism is their one and only job, but I have no hard data to back that up, other than a hunch and a small amount of common sense.

Fortunately, much of the new influx of visitors is comprised of people who are content with Wackjack, Crapjack, or whatever.  I’m actually warming up to the “Crapjack” suggestion and may use it instead.  See Mr. Snow, that’s how to put your ego aside, take a superior reader suggestion and put it to use. Despite your best efforts, sometimes other people come up with better ideas.  The inability to recognize this is not a virtue.

Anyway, this “low room rate/low gambling odds” business model was fully validated by the NASCAR fans last week who openly played $5 6:5 tables directly adjacent to $5 3:2 tables with open seats.  This extra gaming skim from the lower-middle-class almost certainly makes the room rate decreases easier to swallow for the properties.  The casinos are making a calculated bet that people availing themselves of $79 rooms probably aren’t the most discerning customers when it comes to gambling, and they seem to be absolutely correct.

The problem is, I believe that chasing off discerning gamblers is a long-term losing strategy for the town.  Then again, if I actually knew anything about how to get the city on track, I’d be sitting on $87 million of taxpayer money rejecting suggestions from constituents instead of sitting behind a monitor with my pants around my ankles.

In any event, while these numbers look promising, they do reflect the cannibalization that was somewhat expected with the opening of City Center.  Without double-digit visitation increases, the supply/demand curve will not be saturated enough to warrant an increase in room rates.  We simply cannot withstand any more dilution.

This realization cannot be lost on Tower X, formerly known as the Fontainebleau (it currently has no name, and thus is an unknown variable).  In addition to the Strat, I live every day in the shadow of Tower X.  It’s quite dominant on the Rexville skyline.  I’ve been waiting a long time for it to open, but at this point, I think opening would spell the swift demise of the property.

There simply exists no demand for the rooms, and if it opens within the next couple of years, it will fail.  I’ve finally reached the “acceptance” stage of grieving.  I’m just surprised they haven’t slapped a gigantic wrap on it yet.  I wonder how much they would charge me to put a 700′ high “VegasRex” banner down the side?

It’s something to explore.

Anyway, if you thought Vegas was cheap last year, you haven’t seen anything yet.

Link to the original site

I just got out of the hospital, and first let me say that I very much appreciate all of the well-wishes.  I even appreciate some of the questionable-wishes, such as those opining that I had some venereal disease, and even the one person who took the time out of his day to email me a simple “I hope you die”.

I’m sure the latter was not a unique sentiment, so kudos for having the courage to say what many others were surely thinking.  And by courage, I mean “sending an unsigned email from an anonymous email account”.  It must have taken hours to work up the strength to do that.

Can you imagine Rosa Parks in 2010?

From: sweet_mama_chocolate87156@yahoo.com
To: The Montgomery Transit Authority

I’m sick and tired of your discriminatory policies, and I’m not going to take it anymore.  If you don’t let black folks sit at the front of the bus, I’m gonna post all of your email addresses on alt.sex.bestiality and post pictures of your racist drivers on 4chan!”

The Black Panthers would probably coordinate wholly via Twitter, where uprisings would be routinely thwarted by “service unavailable” and “check out our latest deals!” messages.  The 140 character limit would probably also lead to some confusion.

“We are sick and tired of the white devil keeping us down.  If you are with us, fight the power and rally at the intersection of 181st Street and M…”

“Sorry, that last message was too long.  We will be rallying at 181st Street and Market Avenue.  We are mad as hell and will not take it anymore.  Make sure you are there promptly at N…”

It’s a good thing the civil rights movement happened 50 years ago.

Anyway, I have had many inquiries into what exactly happened, so I will try to describe the sequence of events that led to my hospitalization, to the best of my recollection.

I should have known something was about to go down when I got up on Saturday morning and noticed that the national terror threat level was “yellow”.  We had only been at this level since August 12, 2005, and the specificity of this warning made the hair on my neck stand up, while simultaneously making me far more aware of my surroundings.

Until we are back down to threat level “green”, no suspicious activity is going to go unscrutinized by yours truly.  None.

Do you hear that Osama?

NONE!

With this heightened “yellow” alert in mind, I drove down Las Vegas Boulevard on Saturday night looking for anything out-of-sorts that may have posed a threat to America and its precious freedom liberty way of life.

When I got to the corner of Las Vegas Boulevard and Tropicana, I saw what the terror level was referring to.

Standing directly in front of the Excalibur Hotel, I saw a suspicious woman.  She was white, in her late 40’s, and she had on a Wisconsin Badgers sweatshirt.

“That’s odd, nobody likes Wisconsin”, I remember thinking, at which point the woman reached into her purse, and pulled out a small device about 4″ wide and 3″ tall.

I craned my neck to get a better look, and I realized what she had retrieved from her purse.  It was a camera.

Of course, this could only mean one thing.

Al-Qaeda.

I was witnessing first hand an attack unfold on American soil.

I immediately sprang into action.

While the car was still moving, I flung the passenger door open, and somersaulted to where the woman was standing.  Just as she began depressing the shutter, I tackled her, pinned her to the ground, and yelled “Not this time Saddam!”

Of course, she resisted, but I took this as further evidence of her guilt.

“Stop resisting my citizen’s arrest, or I will slap a disorderly conduct charge on your ass!”, I shouted.

I began demanding to see the photos she had taken with her camera, but she repeatedly refused.

“What do you have to hide?” I demanded.

I soon regretted asking this question, because what came next was worse than anything I could have imagined.

The camera had just been a decoy.  As I was concentrating on trying to delete her evil pictures, the woman pulled an aerosol canister out of her purse.  The can had a label that read “If you hate America’s freedoms, aim and press”.

This was it.  The weapon of mass destruction I had heard about.

Sweet mother of God!  I could not let a biological holocaust occur at the corner of LVB and Trop.

I swung with all of my might, trying to knock the can out of her hand, but I was too late.  The WMD went off directly in my face.  It smelled like the flatulence of a thousand camels, and I immediately began having visions of 42 virgins standing in line at the Apple Store waiting for the release of the iPad.  My senses were overwhelmed with pure evil, and I quickly lost consciousness.

The next thing I remember is waking up in the emergency room of UMC.  Upon gaining consciousness, the staff at the hospital erupted in applause.  They had learned of my efforts to eradicate the terror that is photography, and I was given copious amounts of intravenous morphine as a reward, while simultaneously being treated for exposure to anti-American weapons of mass destruction.

Even though I made a herculean effort to save Las Vegas, I was not completely successful.

The threat is not over.

Oh no.

No no.

Somewhere out there on the streets of Las Vegas, or possibly in a casino, a middle-aged woman is carrying a camera.

If she is not stopped, she will take another photo, and we all know what that means.

That’s right, a light-based image will be recorded onto some kind of flash storage device, and once that happens, it will be chaos.  Anarchy will reign, nations will fall, and mother nature will rise up and smite mankind with plague and disasters the likes of which we have never before seen.

May God have mercy on our souls.

As this incident has proven beyond ALL doubt … photographers are terrorists.  Every one of them.  Without exception.

As Americans, it is your patriotic duty to get out there and stop the picture-takers.  Wherever they are, you must smoke them out.  If you don’t go to them, make no mistake, they will come to you.

I’ve done all I can do, and the fate of Las Vegas, nay, the fate of mankind as we know it is now in your hands.

Go forth.  Be vigilant.  Be proud.

You’re Americans, and no dadgum camera-wielder is going to take your freedoms away.  These colors don’t run.

Anyway, I’m out of the hospital but not 100% recovered.  I’m not yet fully mobile and I’m medicated, so in the spirit of the average customer service rep, I would like to take this opportunity to remove all blame from myself proactively.

For the next week or so, if I type anything stupid, inaccurate, or non-sensical … or even if I make a typo … don’t blame me, I’m sick.  This applies retroactively to everything I have written in the last 6 years (hey, why not?).

If anything decent happens to make it online, however, that’s all me.  Empowered by the will of my lord and savior Jesus Christ, I courageously fought to overcome adversity and typed through the pain to bring online content to the masses.

One might even call me … a hero.

Your mother certainly does.

Link to the original site

This is exactly why I don’t read fiction.

The truth is so much more bizarre.

On Thursday, President O’Drama signed the “Travel Promotion Act” into law.

This particular act is designed to convince people from other countries to vacation in the Unites Sates.  The act will be funded by a $10 fee on all tourists to the U.S.

That’s right, we will begin luring people to our great nation by charging them more money before they even set foot on our soil.

So far, so bad.

That’s nowhere near the worst part, however.

Get this:

The man who promotes Las Vegas is now being asked to promote the United States.

The U.S. Commerce Secretary wants LVCVA president Rossi Ralenkotter to lead the U.S. Travel and Tourism Advisory Board.

Ralenkotter says he looks forward to promoting the importance of travel.

The chief executive of the primary tourism agency that promotes Las Vegas has been picked to lead a federal tourism advisory board that advises the U.S. commerce secretary.

Ralenkotter said in a statement that he looks forward to promoting the importance of travel to the country’s economy.

Ralenkotter is expected to be sworn in in April.

Yeah, that was a real excerpt.

Why fail on a local level when you can go national?  Think big.

Apparently, the LVCVA really is full of the best and brightest minds that America has to offer.  And we wonder why little Johnny can’t read.

Call me psychic, but I already know exactly how his first day on the job is going to go.

Ralenkotter:  “Okay guys, I have an idea!  Are you ready?  Are you sitting down for this one?  How about … ‘What Happens in the USA stays in the USA’”?

Commerce Secretary:  “By god, man!  That’s absolute genius!  This is the kind of outside-the-box thinking we were looking for!”

I’m actually kind of scared about the notion of the LVCVA getting into the Federal Government.  It’s only a matter of time before they hire Randy Snow as a consultant and he “accidentally” pushes a button which proceeds to nuke my home.

In response to the passage of this new law, Senator Harry Reid opined, “We know that when international visitors plan their trips to America, Nevada will be at the top of their list.”

Well, Harold, while that used to be the case, I really do think that U.S. policy is putting off potential visitors to Vegas, especially gamblers.

I’ve learned from various foreign nationals on my site that after they win jackpots or poker tournaments, they are often forced to leave 30% of their earnings behind because they don’t have social security numbers.  Afterwards, if they are diligent, they can use an agency to help recover some of the withholding, but they typically don’t get all of it back.  In essence, we steal one third of their big gambling wins before they ever see the money.

Because of this policy, some of these very visitors are reconsidering future vacation plans to the states.  They simply do not feel that they are treated fairly, and I can’t say that I blame them.

Personally, I think anyone with a foreign passport should be completely exempt from withholding, but I’ve yet to see anyone in Nevada fight for the middle-class foreign gambler with such a proposal.

The other reason I think that tourism is in jeopardy is the TSA.

It is my opinion that the Transportation Safety Authority is one of the reasons that air tourism to Las Vegas is down.  I’ve cut back on my own travel because of the hassle.  They’ve twice swabbed my laptop at McCarran, and call me anal, but I don’t like Hector the Terror Hunter wiping unknown shit on my $3,500 laptop while beating the hell out of it like a Cinco De Mayo pinata.  I doubt he subscribes to the “you break it, you buy it” philosophy.

I swear, putting two Air Marshalls on every plane has got to be more efficient than installing naked X-Ray machines … although admittedly not as fun.  I have heard more than a few comments from people who no longer vacation abroad due to the mess that commercial aviation has become.

It’s unlikely that either of these things will change anytime soon, however.

Instead, the American way of fixing things is to throw slogans at the problem.

Product not selling?  Screw making it better … instead, focus on marketing.  Hey, it works for Microsoft.

In my opinion, the best way to promote the USA to outsiders is to highlight the crumbling value of our currency.

The unstable U.S. dollar is one of our prime attractions right now.

I remember going to Mexico City in the 80’s, and being astonished at how far my money went.  Even in the world’s 3rd largest city.  I believe it cost one Peso to ride the subway at the time, which was something like a nickel in U.S. Dollars.

Flash forward to the latter half of the 2000’s, and many Europeans, Asians, and Australians get the same feeling that the nation is on sale.  Yes, I know the disparity is not nearly as great as the Dollar/Peso divide, but it’s still reasonably cheap.

Hell, we’ve been damn near on-par with the Canadian Dollar for a couple of years, and their currency is so worthless that they put a picture of a goddamn duck on their dollars.  A DUCK! They put a bear on their two dollar coins.  Apparently, their treasury is run by three kindergartners who base their coin designs on the random musings of a Fisher Price See n’ Say.

But hey, I didn’t write this article to bash Canada.  That would be like tripping a retarded kid.

I wrote it to go on record as stating that this new program is asinine, a waste of money, and will have no positive effect.

Fixing the fundamental problems affecting the country and increasing our damaged global reputation would be far more helpful than another LVCVA-led slogan campaign.

For all of you out there who are on the fence about visiting the USA, you may want to consider doing so in the very near future.  Your time is limited.  In 20 short years, we’ll be Mexico.

Call me crazy, but I think that last paragraph would make a damn good slogan.

Why do I never get hired for these cushy PR jobs?

Link to the original site

This is exactly why I don’t read fiction.

The truth is so much more bizarre.

On Thursday, President O’Drama signed the “Travel Promotion Act” into law.

This particular act is designed to convince people from other countries to vacation in the Unites Sates.  The act will be funded by a $10 fee on all tourists to the U.S.

That’s right, we will begin luring people to our great nation by charging them more money before they even set foot on our soil.

So far, so bad.

That’s nowhere near the worst part, however.

Get this:

The man who promotes Las Vegas is now being asked to promote the United States.

The U.S. Commerce Secretary wants LVCVA president Rossi Ralenkotter to lead the U.S. Travel and Tourism Advisory Board.

Ralenkotter says he looks forward to promoting the importance of travel.

The chief executive of the primary tourism agency that promotes Las Vegas has been picked to lead a federal tourism advisory board that advises the U.S. commerce secretary.

Ralenkotter said in a statement that he looks forward to promoting the importance of travel to the country’s economy.

Ralenkotter is expected to be sworn in in April.

Yeah, that was a real excerpt.

Why fail on a local level when you can go national?  Think big.

Apparently, the LVCVA really is full of the best and brightest minds that America has to offer.  And we wonder why little Johnny can’t read.

Call me psychic, but I already know exactly how his first day on the job is going to go.

Ralenkotter:  “Okay guys, I have an idea!  Are you ready?  Are you sitting down for this one?  How about … ‘What Happens in the USA stays in the USA’”?

Commerce Secretary:  “By god, man!  That’s absolute genius!  This is the kind of outside-the-box thinking we were looking for!”

I’m actually kind of scared about the notion of the LVCVA getting into the Federal Government.  It’s only a matter of time before they hire Randy Snow as a consultant and he “accidentally” pushes a button which proceeds to nuke my home.

In response to the passage of this new law, Senator Harry Reid opined, “We know that when international visitors plan their trips to America, Nevada will be at the top of their list.”

Well, Harold, while that used to be the case, I really do think that U.S. policy is putting off potential visitors to Vegas, especially gamblers.

I’ve learned from various foreign nationals on my site that after they win jackpots or poker tournaments, they are often forced to leave 30% of their earnings behind because they don’t have social security numbers.  Afterwards, if they are diligent, they can use an agency to help recover some of the withholding, but they typically don’t get all of it back.  In essence, we steal one third of their big gambling wins before they ever see the money.

Because of this policy, some of these very visitors are reconsidering future vacation plans to the states.  They simply do not feel that they are treated fairly, and I can’t say that I blame them.

Personally, I think anyone with a foreign passport should be completely exempt from withholding, but I’ve yet to see anyone in Nevada fight for the middle-class foreign gambler with such a proposal.

The other reason I think that tourism is in jeopardy is the TSA.

It is my opinion that the Transportation Safety Authority is one of the reasons that air tourism to Las Vegas is down.  I’ve cut back on my own travel because of the hassle.  They’ve twice swabbed my laptop at McCarran, and call me anal, but I don’t like Hector the Terror Hunter wiping unknown shit on my $3,500 laptop while beating the hell out of it like a Cinco De Mayo pinata.  I doubt he subscribes to the “you break it, you buy it” philosophy.

I swear, putting two Air Marshalls on every plane has got to be more efficient than installing naked X-Ray machines … although admittedly not as fun.  I have heard more than a few comments from people who no longer vacation abroad due to the mess that commercial aviation has become.

It’s unlikely that either of these things will change anytime soon, however.

Instead, the American way of fixing things is to throw slogans at the problem.

Product not selling?  Screw making it better … instead, focus on marketing.  Hey, it works for Microsoft.

In my opinion, the best way to promote the USA to outsiders is to highlight the crumbling value of our currency.

The unstable U.S. dollar is one of our prime attractions right now.

I remember going to Mexico City in the 80’s, and being astonished at how far my money went.  Even in the world’s 3rd largest city.  I believe it cost one Peso to ride the subway at the time, which was something like a nickel in U.S. Dollars.

Flash forward to the latter half of the 2000’s, and many Europeans, Asians, and Australians get the same feeling that the nation is on sale.  Yes, I know the disparity is not nearly as great as the Dollar/Peso divide, but it’s still reasonably cheap.

Hell, we’ve been damn near on-par with the Canadian Dollar for a couple of years, and their currency is so worthless that they put a picture of a goddamn duck on their dollars.  A DUCK! They put a bear on their two dollar coins.  Apparently, their treasury is run by three kindergartners who base their coin designs on the random musings of a Fisher Price See n’ Say.

But hey, I didn’t write this article to bash Canada.  That would be like tripping a retarded kid.

I wrote it to go on record as stating that this new program is asinine, a waste of money, and will have no positive effect.

Fixing the fundamental problems affecting the country and increasing our damaged global reputation would be far more helpful than another LVCVA-led slogan campaign.

For all of you out there who are on the fence about visiting the USA, you may want to consider doing so in the very near future.  Your time is limited.  In 20 short years, we’ll be Mexico.

Call me crazy, but I think that last paragraph would make a damn good slogan.

Why do I never get hired for these cushy PR jobs?

Link to the original site

Earlier tonight, I engaged in a bit of ghetto gambling.

This was not the “play at the Western” version of ghetto gambling, instead, it was the cheap person version.  Ghetto gambling is gaming that has all the fun of gambling, without any of the risk or reward.  My own personal rendition of ghetto gambling involves taking only $20 to a local casino (usually the Sahara or Stratosphere) without an ATM card or even a wallet.

Then, I play along these lines:

I start out with $20, and I begin playing at a $3 or $5 table.  I play a few hands until I double up or lose 50%.  Unfortunately, I do not tip during these minor sessions unless I go on a big streak, and even then it’s no more than a couple of bucks.

If I double up, I pocket $20, and then proceed to play with “free” money at whatever low-limit game I feel like playing.  The worst I can do is break-even on the session.

If I get dinged for 50% early, I go to the $1 BJ tables or nickel Video Poker machines.  If I manage to double up at these tables or machines, I go back to a “higher” limit ($3-$5) BJ table and repeat the process.  If I lose it all … I stop playing.

At times, I have been able to make a single $20 bill last two hours while ghetto gambling, while getting the occasional free drink in the process.

The thing about my gambling is that even though I have dogshit luck with regards to jackpots, I have pretty good luck with regards to moderate wins.  I’ve never walked away from any machine a big winner, but I’ve hit enough quads to keep me damn near even on a long-term basis.  When it comes to table games like Blackjack, I rarely go on 10 hand winning streaks, but it does seem like I win slightly more than 50% of the hands that I play.  At least it feels that way.  I don’t keep copious records.

Gamblers like to mentally minimize their losses so they don’t feel like degenerate losers, and I’m probably nowhere near as “break-even good” as I think I am, but self-delusion gives us balance.  If I hadn’t convinced myself long ago that a 2″ penis was perfectly normal, I would have three Porsches in my garage and two iPads on pre-order.

Anyway, tonight, I had a less than stellar ghetto gambling session.  I lost two hands in a row of $5 Blackjack at the Sahara, and I took my remaining funds to an area of the casino known as “Locals Lane”.  Locals Lane is a place of questionable merit.  It doesn’t seem to have appreciably better odds than the tourist machines, and drink service seems to be non-existent, but at least it has that “yeah, I’ve been to the Rainbow Curve and lived to tell about it” street-cred vibe going on.

After plugging ten bucks into the nearest penny VP machine I could find, I proceeded to play my way out of a hole.  Full house, straight, straight, full house, it was kind of strange.  Twice, I had straights dealt on the first hand.  It was almost as if the game was under investigation by the Nevada Gaming Commission for not dealing enough straights/full houses.

After working my way up from $10 to about $17, my phone vibrated and I pulled it out of my rectum to check the screen.  I had a message, and I had to go.

I smacked the “cash out” button, and when I got within 6 feet of the hybrid Ticket Redemption/ATM, a lady who was also approaching the cash pylon quickly sped up and sprinted to get in front of me at the machine.  Whatever, how long could it take for someone to cash out?

Apparently, the answer to that question is … a long, long time.

First the lady fed a TITO ticket into the machine, got her cash, and then faked me out.  After putting the redeemed money into her purse, she almost left, thought better of it, and then whipped out her ATM card to get more cash.

DOH!

Women operate ATM machines roughly twice as well as they drive … in other words … very poorly.  Some 30 years after the ubiquity of said machines, ladies still seem to be perpetually confused by the pictures and numbers on the screen.  After agreeing to the $4 fee, this particular woman stared at the machine, and stared, and stared, and stared.

After about 30 seconds of her looking like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming truck, I let out a groan.  I thought it was really quiet and under my breath, but the woman turned around and said “Is there a problem?”.

“I’m familiar with this machine, do you need any help?”, I asked, actually being marginally sincere.

“I know how to use an ATM machine”, she said.

“Apparently not very well”, I replied.

“There are other cash machines in this building”, she retorted.

“Good point, I’ll go find the one without your name on it”, I replied.

She yammered something in response, but I didn’t really listen to or look at her.  Instead, I stuffed the ticket in my pocket and will redeem it on my next visit to the Sahara.  I was out of patience.

This brings me to a point.

Why does every slow-ass motherf***er on the planet bust their ass to get to the head of every line they encounter?

Is it because they think we will be as slow as they are, and they don’t want to wait behind themselves?

I can (and do) cash out in 15 seconds.  I have my ATM card or ticket ready, and I know what I am going to do before I even get to the machine.  I think everyone should.  It just makes logical sense.

Operating an ATM is not rocket science.  Put in your PIN, punch in the amount, take your money, and GO!

What in the hell is the problem?

Here is another tip to our female population out there:

Ladies, when you wait in line at the store and finally get to the cashier, don’t act like you have been caught by surprise when the clerk asks for money.  It never ceases to amaze me when people dig to the bottom of their purse to find their checkbook or wallet after the clerk has spent 10 minutes scanning their items.

Really?  I mean, did you really not anticipate that you would have to pay for your merchandise?

What did you think was going to happen?

Did you expect the clerk to high-five you and send you on your way with your purchases?

“Oh well, golly gee let me conduct a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse, and doghouse for my wallet!”

Imbeciles.

Anyway, because of my impatience, I am temporarily out $17 in actual cash, but this does give me the option of taking absolutely nothing to the Sahara on my next trip except for a ticket and my cellphone.

I mean, if I can ghetto gamble with twenty dollars, seventeen should also be doable.

It was recently pointed out to me that my “no wallet” logic was flawed because I would not be able to collect on a jackpot without an ID, but the way I look at it, I will never have a shot at a jackpot unless it’s a pain in the ass for me to collect.  If by chance I do hit a royal, I imagine the casino would let me go home and get my wallet … at which point I would promptly be run over by a bus while crossing Sahara Ave.

Last but not least, the answer to your question is: yes.

I am still available for motivational speaking engagements and diversity training seminars.

Link to the original site

Earlier tonight, I engaged in a bit of ghetto gambling.

This was not the “play at the Western” version of ghetto gambling, instead, it was the cheap person version.  Ghetto gambling is gaming that has all the fun of gambling, without any of the risk or reward.  My own personal rendition of ghetto gambling involves taking only $20 to a local casino (usually the Sahara or Stratosphere) without an ATM card or even a wallet.

Then, I play along these lines:

I start out with $20, and I begin playing at a $3 or $5 table.  I play a few hands until I double up or lose 50%.  Unfortunately, I do not tip during these minor sessions unless I go on a big streak, and even then it’s no more than a couple of bucks.

If I double up, I pocket $20, and then proceed to play with “free” money at whatever low-limit game I feel like playing.  The worst I can do is break-even on the session.

If I get dinged for 50% early, I go to the $1 BJ tables or nickel Video Poker machines.  If I manage to double up at these tables or machines, I go back to a “higher” limit ($3-$5) BJ table and repeat the process.  If I lose it all … I stop playing.

At times, I have been able to make a single $20 bill last two hours while ghetto gambling, while getting the occasional free drink in the process.

The thing about my gambling is that even though I have dogshit luck with regards to jackpots, I have pretty good luck with regards to moderate wins.  I’ve never walked away from any machine a big winner, but I’ve hit enough quads to keep me damn near even on a long-term basis.  When it comes to table games like Blackjack, I rarely go on 10 hand winning streaks, but it does seem like I win slightly more than 50% of the hands that I play.  At least it feels that way.  I don’t keep copious records.

Gamblers like to mentally minimize their losses so they don’t feel like degenerate losers, and I’m probably nowhere near as “break-even good” as I think I am, but self-delusion gives us balance.  If I hadn’t convinced myself long ago that a 2″ penis was perfectly normal, I would have three Porsches in my garage and two iPads on pre-order.

Anyway, tonight, I had a less than stellar ghetto gambling session.  I lost two hands in a row of $5 Blackjack at the Sahara, and I took my remaining funds to an area of the casino known as “Locals Lane”.  Locals Lane is a place of questionable merit.  It doesn’t seem to have appreciably better odds than the tourist machines, and drink service seems to be non-existent, but at least it has that “yeah, I’ve been to the Rainbow Curve and lived to tell about it” street-cred vibe going on.

After plugging ten bucks into the nearest penny VP machine I could find, I proceeded to play my way out of a hole.  Full house, straight, straight, full house, it was kind of strange.  Twice, I had straights dealt on the first hand.  It was almost as if the game was under investigation by the Nevada Gaming Commission for not dealing enough straights/full houses.

After working my way up from $10 to about $17, my phone vibrated and I pulled it out of my rectum to check the screen.  I had a message, and I had to go.

I smacked the “cash out” button, and when I got within 6 feet of the hybrid Ticket Redemption/ATM, a lady who was also approaching the cash pylon quickly sped up and sprinted to get in front of me at the machine.  Whatever, how long could it take for someone to cash out?

Apparently, the answer to that question is … a long, long time.

First the lady fed a TITO ticket into the machine, got her cash, and then faked me out.  After putting the redeemed money into her purse, she almost left, thought better of it, and then whipped out her ATM card to get more cash.

DOH!

Women operate ATM machines roughly twice as well as they drive … in other words … very poorly.  Some 30 years after the ubiquity of said machines, ladies still seem to be perpetually confused by the pictures and numbers on the screen.  After agreeing to the $4 fee, this particular woman stared at the machine, and stared, and stared, and stared.

After about 30 seconds of her looking like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming truck, I let out a groan.  I thought it was really quiet and under my breath, but the woman turned around and said “Is there a problem?”.

“I’m familiar with this machine, do you need any help?”, I asked, actually being marginally sincere.

“I know how to use an ATM machine”, she said.

“Apparently not very well”, I replied.

“There are other cash machines in this building”, she retorted.

“Good point, I’ll go find the one without your name on it”, I replied.

She yammered something in response, but I didn’t really listen to or look at her.  Instead, I stuffed the ticket in my pocket and will redeem it on my next visit to the Sahara.  I was out of patience.

This brings me to a point.

Why does every slow-ass motherf***er on the planet bust their ass to get to the head of every line they encounter?

Is it because they think we will be as slow as they are, and they don’t want to wait behind themselves?

I can (and do) cash out in 15 seconds.  I have my ATM card or ticket ready, and I know what I am going to do before I even get to the machine.  I think everyone should.  It just makes logical sense.

Operating an ATM is not rocket science.  Put in your PIN, punch in the amount, take your money, and GO!

What in the hell is the problem?

Here is another tip to our female population out there:

Ladies, when you wait in line at the store and finally get to the cashier, don’t act like you have been caught by surprise when the clerk asks for money.  It never ceases to amaze me when people dig to the bottom of their purse to find their checkbook or wallet after the clerk has spent 10 minutes scanning their items.

Really?  I mean, did you really not anticipate that you would have to pay for your merchandise?

What did you think was going to happen?

Did you expect the clerk to high-five you and send you on your way with your purchases?

“Oh well, golly gee let me conduct a hard-target search of every gas station, residence, warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse, and doghouse for my wallet!”

Imbeciles.

Anyway, because of my impatience, I am temporarily out $17 in actual cash, but this does give me the option of taking absolutely nothing to the Sahara on my next trip except for a ticket and my cellphone.

I mean, if I can ghetto gamble with twenty dollars, seventeen should also be doable.

It was recently pointed out to me that my “no wallet” logic was flawed because I would not be able to collect on a jackpot without an ID, but the way I look at it, I will never have a shot at a jackpot unless it’s a pain in the ass for me to collect.  If by chance I do hit a royal, I imagine the casino would let me go home and get my wallet … at which point I would promptly be run over by a bus while crossing Sahara Ave.

Last but not least, the answer to your question is: yes.

I am still available for motivational speaking engagements and diversity training seminars.

Link to the original site

A Spanish player, known as Jose M, was playing four different slots at CasinoTropez to win 800,527 dollars. Jose M triggered 11 separate jackpots on CasinoTropez’s site over a very short period of time.
Jose M turned out to be really lucky to win that big, as the slots he was playing are not…

[[ This is a content summary only. Visit my website for full links, other content, and more! ]]

Link to the original site

A Spanish player, known as Jose M, was playing four different slots at CasinoTropez to win 800,527 dollars. Jose M triggered 11 separate jackpots on CasinoTropez’s site over a very short period of time.
Jose M turned out to be really lucky to win that big, as the slots he was playing are not…

[[ This is a content summary only. Visit my website for full links, other content, and more! ]]

Link to the original site

“NASCAR Weekend” just wrapped up in Las Vegas, and following a new personal tradition, I spent a good part of the weekend at the Sahara.

Frankly, I’ve always found the Sahara’s NASCAR theme to be somewhat unusual.  It just doesn’t seem to “fit” for some reason.

The Sahara is a desert-themed hotel with a rich and storied history (the Beatles stayed here during their first visit to Vegas), and I never really figured out how stock cars found their way into this paradigm.  On any given day, you can stand outside and watch a race car roller coaster loop past the iconic neon camels.  It’s a very odd paring.  Kind of like putting a gigantic poster of two Mormons facing the sinful Vegas Strip.  As if that could happen.

Anyway, since the Sahara is ground zero for racing fans in Vegas, this is obviously one of the best places in town to spend a racing weekend … second only to the track itself.

After walking to the casino and scoping out a prime Blackjack table on Saturday, I became slightly disillusioned with how the Sahara was conducting itself.  While both $3 and $5 “real” Blackjack tables are standard offerings at the casino (which is part of why the property is endearing for me), the Sahara had converted at least half of their five dollar games to 6:5.

Given the loyal crowds, this seemed very opportunistic.

Look, I understand the laws of supply and demand, and I understand what most people consider to be “good business decisions”.  Americans think “capitalism” is synonymous with “greed”, and they think that good capitalists need to “capitalize” on every customer.

I don’t subscribe to this philosophy, and I don’t agree with the premise.

“Capitalism” merely indicates the private ownership of capital.  It in no way implies that you have to aggressively get over on each and every customer.

In my opinion, the best businesspeople don’t make all the money that they can.  Instead, they make as much as they need to be comfortable, and put the excess back into the business to build up a brand, a reputation, and loyalty that results in a win-win situation for everyone involved.  The best businesspeople aren’t just parasite opportunists, rather, they contribute more than they take.  In my opinion, good businesses don’t take money from customers just because they can get away with it.  Good business has nothing to do with extracting every last drop from every customer.  That is greed.  Greed and business need not be synonymous, except in the United States, and especially in Las Vegas.

That being said, it’s almost hard to blame the Sahara for their decision to convert a large number of tables to shortpay.

Why?

Because there were more open seats at the full pay tables than the 6:5 tables of the same denomination.  Sure, I could take this opportunity to launch into a diatribe about the stereotypical intelligence of the average NASCAR fan, but why bother.  A lack of understanding of basic odds and statistics now seems to be endemic to the population as a whole.

Back in the former part of the century, I used to play $1 BJ at the Sahara, and it was 3:2.  Not only was it full pay, but everybody loved the game.  I used to spread my bets pretty high and I over-tipped as a percentage of my wagers.  People drank, played, laughed, and had fun.  Even when I was staying on the south end of The Strip, I used to always make a trip to the Sahara just to play the enjoyable $1 game.  This was one of those win-win situations of which I speak.

Even though $1 Blackjack returned to the Sahara last year, $1 bets now pay even-money.  Yes “even” as in 1:1.  “Even” as in “stand on 16 while the dealer busts”.  There is absolutely no point in hitting a Blackjack.

This brings me to my main point of this article …

I need to come up with a new name for 6:5 (and worse) Blackjack.  Typing or saying “6:5 Blackjack” each and every time I want to address this particular variation of the game is not only long and time consuming, it’s cumbersome and confusing to people who don’t know what in the hell I am talking about.  One time, when I asked a player if the table was “six five or three two”, he replied “They don’t have thirty two dollar tables in here”.

I would estimate that more than 50% of people do not know what I am talking about when I reference “6:5 Blackjack”.  This is probably why they play it.  It just doesn’t sound all that bad.  Hell, given that the odds numbers are larger, I would be willing to wager that some people actually think that it is a superior game.

Personally, I feel a little silly lumping 1:1 Blackjack and 3:2 Blackjack into the same category.  They just aren’t the same games from my point of view.  It’s almost as bad as calling both 2/4 Limit and 2/5 NL “Poker”.  One is a game involving skill, while the other is a glorified game of Bingo.

From now on, for the sake of simplicity, I’m going to call 6:5 and lower … “Wackjack”.

I tend to have my own extensive vocabulary (one day I may author an official dictionary), but almost every term I use or create makes logical sense.

According to my computer’s built-in dictionary:

wack |wak| informal

adjective
bad; inferior : a wack radio station.
noun
1 a crazy or eccentric person.
2 worthless or stupid ideas, work, or talk; rubbish : this track is a load of wack.

ORIGIN 1930s: probably a back-formation from wacky.

In my opinion, Wackjack seems completely appropriate for a “bad, inferior” version of the game of Blackjack.

Henceforth, if I use “Blackjack”, it will refer to the 3:2 game with close-to-typical rules, while “Wackjack” will refer to any game which shortpays on a natural or employs some other ruleset which is grossly disadvantageous to the player.  I just don’t want to call them by the same name anymore.

Even though the Sahara resorted to this nickel and dime scheme over the weekend, the casino itself was 70-90% full at any given time.  The crowd was dominated by racing fans, and of course, people throughout the property wore racing jackets representing their favorite teams or drivers.

Obviously, I didn’t (and still don’t) have the slightest clue as to who any of these drivers are, but it was interesting seeing these little displays of solidarity among the faithful fans.

Not only was the casino relatively crowded, but so too was the NASCAR Cafe.  All available screens were tuned into the race, and people cheered on the drivers over glasses of beer and B3 burritos.

This time last year, the Sahara Buffet was open and doing a pretty swift business, but obviously this is no longer the case.  It has been opined by some that the Sahara’s Buffet closing is merely a “seasonal thing”, but given that I’ve never seen it closed on NASCAR weekend, I think there is a chance that these people might be wrong.

While the Sahara did not seem to be quite as crowded as in years past, it at least appeared that most people were enjoying themselves.  The vibe was quite positive, and overall, it seemed like another successful racing weekend.

If the NASCAR crowd wises up to the fact that they are getting increasingly ripped off by the house, however, the loyalty of this demographic may not be the forgone conclusion it once was.

I honestly think the game of Wackjack should be abolished, or at least have its name officially changed to something far less misleading than “Blackjack”.

If people still want to play it once it is renamed, then so be it … that’s their choice and I fully support it.

It’s not the same game as your father’s 21, however, and in my opinion, the casinos should stop pretending that it is.

Link to the original site